A little bitty outfit post

Okay it's not that little bitty, let me rephrase.....an average size outfit post. However if one is referring to the size of its model, one could justly say that she is "little bitty," which is laughable really, because she does look quite awkward in almost everything she wears. However, she should never be referred to as a "bitty." NEVER.

But anywhoooo boogaloo, I am in a new town and a new pad (photos of said pad to come) and my polarizing obsession with wearing weird clothes seems to be quite acceptable here. I have come to the long-awaited conclusion that there is justice in the world. 

And in case you hadn't noticed, it is FALL so let's all celebrate in sheer maxi skirts, button-up collared-shirts, booties and stand-out socks IN those booties. Oh ya, and a shit load of jewelry. Ya ya ya let's do it!  

Lions and Tigers and Leather Overalls, Oh MY!

It is no doubt that these here leather chaps turned beacons-of-fashion-genius would incite in the average joe and/or tin-man the same fear and dread as would the possibility of a run-in with a large and toothy feline. Because they are:

1. overalls (for non-farming related activities, such as strutting one's stuff)
2. leather

But we are not tin-men, nor are we mobile scare-crows or bipedal lions lacking courage. So, I see no reason to not own at least four two pairs.

Now, what is the point of all these Wizard of Oz references? Well, that is a good question and one that I would be sure to answer if my writing style was less ramble-ramble and more edit-out-the-crap. But, as you well know, life is unfair, and so, the deeper and undoubtedly more profound meaning will remain a mystery to me you.

Point is, I want to be in this girl's pants. Like IN her pants, as in I want to steal her pants and run far, far away (whilst wearing them) where she will never catch me and I will assume the status of  haute-couture-farm-girl and willing societal reject.

Acne A/W 2011: image courtesy of allyouneedislists.com

Toot Toot da Loot Loot

Not one to toot my own horn, me being notorious for underplaying my achievements (of which I have very little that could be deemed significant) (guuuuhhhh, SEE!), I suddenly felt a warm, fuzzy feeling coat the insides of my solar plexus upon finding this little doo-dad on the worldwide web, and decided to give myself a celebratory pat on the head and share it with thee. 

The good folks at MTV Fora seem to like me. Why? Probably because they don't know that I was a pre-Proactive Acne Cleanser-poster child until the age of 15 and I had a bowl cut throughout the first quarter of my life. Or because I always strive to follow the fine example set by Jenna Marbles and thus, fooled them into believing that I am attractive and therefore, worthy of their attention. Because, I'm sorry Fora, but in a burlap potato sack, I would just look like a burlap potato sack. De-sexified. 

But still...

Total # of people who think I'm cool: 

1. Fora
2. My mom

Join the ranks! (Pretty please....)

BEWARE the Collar-a Outbreak

A sister strain of the similarly-sounding yet significantly more deadly water-borne disease, Collar-a is a highly attractive ailment which breeds on the necks of fall-focused fashionistas across the land. Side effects include the sudden sprouting of shirt-collar-resembling pieces of metal, fabric, intricate beading and sometimes, at its most progressed stage, FUR. There is no known cure and no available treatment, meaning Collar-a patients are doomed to be in fashion throughout the entire fall season.

Sounds awful. Infect me please.

Get ch'yos here

and here

Oooo, Oooo, and here

This one's REALLY infectious

And this one's just deadly

We're all gonna die anyways...

Woman...Repelled

So, updates on The Man Repeller interview: no dice.

Shit. Shat............Poopy-pants.

Yes, I hate (and by hate I really mean HATE) to break the sad news (and my heart simultaneously), but after my stellar interview with the woman who has inspired straight men across North America to question the merits of their current sexual orientation and, subsequently, inspired me to start blogging, a fashion-internship-über-experienced-veteran walked in for an interview and trampled all over my chances. Well, I at least hope she was wearing bad-ass heels.

But if there is a silver lining to this story, if there is a a plum sauce to my chicken finger, a ketchup to my carrot (eww...wait, that's weird), it is that I am more determined than ever to make something out of myself in the business of fashion.

So I am off to Montréal to gorge on poutine and bagels, gain 15 pounds and then hide my flub-hub under a super rockin' fur coat all winter long (and open a fashion marketing textbook now and then). Kidding! I will be a studious Sally, just you wait and see.

So in conclusion, Thanks for the opportunity, Leandra!!!! Until the next time I harass you incessantly for a job...

Me in t-minus 2 weeks. I am becoming a better person every day!

Put on my running shoes

Ok, I changed meee mind. My lack of commitment to hopping aboard the Lita bandwagon is revealing itself. But hey, I've been RUNNING for no practical purpose other than the improvement of my health and the removal of those things propped upon my hips which are (apparently) suitable for both holding onto and for evoking romantic feelings. (I could have just said "love-handles" back there but that's boring and I ban the boring from my blog.)

If, like me, you lack the capacity to remember things of any and all levels of importance, shimmy on over here-yee to enlighten yourself of my original personal challenge.

Well, I stuck to my goal for FOUR GODDAMN WEEKS. And unlike Kevin Costner, there were no angels and deceased-but-newly-reincarnated fathers to greet me at the finish line. Nope, but there's going to be something even sexier there. These clod-hoppers!!

get em' here

Brought to fruition by Matiko in collaboration with AI For AI, they're already in the mail and along with their appearance on my credit card statement will come my parental-ly-inflicted and untimely death.

So the question is, can we start a 22 Club?

How to Attract a Man Repeller

Rumour has it that the mating dance between said Man Repeller and her prospective intern consists of technically-refined steps of the Flamenco carried out in perfectly harmonious unison. And immediately following their courtship, the female bites off her partner's head.

Just kidding, that is what Praying Mantis' do (minus the Flamenco), not well-meaning fashion rogues such as her majesty, The Man Repeller.

And rumours suck, bow ties are better. So it was, equipped with a polka-dotted bow tie, that I attempted to court Leandra Medine today via webcam, into hiring me on as her intern in the Big Apple. You may recall my desperate cry for her to save me from the abyss where fashion goes to die, better known as Buckhorn, Ontario. Well, holy macaroni, she freakin wanted to interview me.

Leandra with her current intern, Freya

And this here little get-up is what I wore to my interview in cyber land.

This is why I don't interview for high-paying jobs

I find out later this week. In the meantime, I ask you to cross every limb that you may have in your bodily-artillery in my name. Because, she might repulse the boys, but I'm all hot and heavy for Ms. Medine.

Furr-ocious!!

Ummmmmm so my little kiddies, in case you do not read my blog on a regular basis (shame on you!) or in case you are extremely slow, I would like to point out that I am enamored by fur. Yes, it is sad to say, but I love it when once fluffy, doe-eyed critters become fluffy, NO-eyed critters draped across my body for the sake of style preservation. 

Oh dearie, that sounded horrible. You are undoubtedly experiencing nightmarish flashbacks to when you were a small child watching Bambi scampering around the desolate forest searching for his mother as tears rolled down your blubbering baby-face until his father (the Great Prince of the forest) told him in a most professional and non-sympathetic manner that, "Your mother can't be with you anymore."

Off topic: Forget the tragedy of the moment, why weren't you FREAKING OUT about the talking deer??? Give your head a shake!

On Topic: I do like animals, and would go faux as often as possible. But anywhooseeewhatsie, fur and Fall are fairly similar in spelling which obviously means that they were made to co-exist, side-by-side in the war on cold. 

So here are some samples from the Twelfth Street by Cynthia Vincent holiday '11 lookbook which could be the reason I start drooling every time an unknowing squirrel runs across my path. 

Fall is coming so get out chyer guuuns.

images courtesy of purse 'n boots

And for those crafty gals amongst you, try your hand at this D.I.Y. from psimadethis.com. I did, and no animals were hurt in the making of this product. Pam Anderson would be proud of me.

flashing...lights...lights

Does anyone know if TLC's Little People, Big World is looking for new subjects to cast as their reality stars? An oddly random question, you may be thinking to yourself, but I am inquiring for several sufficiently valid reasons.

ONE: Papa Rollof is a jerk-face.

TWO: 17 year old, regular-sized Rollof drives far too many reasonable, female, adult viewers into suspecting themselves to be pedophiles.

THREE: I am vertically impaired.

FOUR: I just signed on with an acting/modeling agency.

FIVER: Combine reasons 4 and 5 and you will find that I was born for this role. 

And since the Man Repeller doesn't want me to frolic about the streets of NYC with her, what choice do I have for future employment? 

Such anxieties were racing through my brain last week after having signed an official contract, the legal contents of which I understood a whole lot of NADA, when, to my delight, I was informed that Algonquin College was on the lookout for a model of mixed-breed, and being the mutt that I am, I was cast. My mug will be splashed across their course calendar in the fall. Kudos to my bi-racially-sexually-hospitable ancestors. 

Plus, the big buck-aroos ain't bad either.

Here's one of the shots from the photo shoot. I am aware of this photo's cheese-factor and its resulting surplus of hilarity.

tooooooothy

And here's a peak at one of the shots for my portfolio.

Proof that little people can do big things too AND that they can hold up iPads for lengthy periods of time without collapsing under their substantial weight.