What I've Learnt From Other Blogs - Tits & Hips are Extraneous

She knows how to prioritize her body parts. 

Bitch is bad
STOP IT RIGHT NOW

Photo Diary: A Facial Repertoire

Top: Zara / Hat: American Apparel DIYed / Jewellery: Miss Cocotte

You may or not care (For your sake I hope that you tend towards the latter, because there are, at this very moment, intrinsically thoughtful questions like this being asked which NEED answers), BUT, these are some of the happenings that have been, in fact, happening in my life as of late, in professional and novice photo-graphical form and curated through a storyline of facial expressions.

Happening #1: (See above) Introducing: The Toothy Face. In all of its bicuspid and incisor glory, making its appearance for the upcoming jewellery collection campaign for Montreal jewellery designer, Miss Cocotte. More profesh photos to come styled by me and Josée Gagnon, make-upped by Joanie Lapointe, and shot by Michel-Éric Gauthier.

Jacket: Travis Taddeo / Top: Complex Geomoetries / Jewellery: Miss Cocotte / Shoes: Alexander Wang

Happening #2: I made a lot of serious faces in Old Montreal. A class-mate asked me why I always look so mad once. Clearly, I was just channelling my inner austerity and inherent bitch-face capabilities for this shoot by Paul Steward Photography. For more information, and a step-by-step tutorial on bitch-facing, click here.

 Happening #3: Marie and I stood on my roof and made a virtual spectrum of varied facial expressions, starting with what could be most accurately described as the despondent puppy dog face...

 Followed by the "I ain't got no face."

Narratively-peaking with that stupid face where the camera catches you mid-blink a.k.a. mentally-impaired.

 Then came the denouement or the one "where I understand if you just want to punch me in the face" face.

 Rounded up with the conclusively-appropriate and sickeningly irritating Happy Face. 

Mesh Top: Vintage / Shoes: Ash / Hand-Held Dead Animal: Vintage

So in conclusion - well, there is no conclusion. This whole thing was a total waste of your time. 
Reporting live, I'm Lisa of Food Water Fashion, bringing you up to the minute stupidity and ongoing narcissistic materialism. You are very, very welcome.

This Week's Roundup: The Weirdest & Apparently Wearable Shit I've Seen on the Internet

Leave it to Opening Ceremony to bring you the freakiest fare on the market, all apparently boasting the convenient feature of wearability...that is if you consider a curtain rod of thick black tassels as a face covering a "wearable" feature to an apparel product. Here to help you get through the day, a line-up of the most radrid-iculous findings I've come across this week, ideal in case there are some of you who don't actually have to take part in practical life situations, i.e. grocery shopping, walking down the street, and/or human-to-human interaction and for whom frontal vision and social acceptance is not a requirement for overall personal contentment.

Take this one here. For the socially non-volitient. Not particularly interested in the conversation currently being directed at you? Well take action! Close dem curtains and get back to contemplating your own substantially more riveting inner voice. 

Feel like channelling your inner 1970s lampshade? Ya, me too. ALL THE TIME. 

 Are you a ghetto fabulous fusion of punk-rocker meets douchebag bro? OF COURSE YOU ARE. Because I KNOW my target market.

 The next one? For the Japanese Harajuku Wannabe: Now you can be a GONNA-BE. I mean, where is democracy when wearable teddy bears are exclusive to the south-eastern hemisphere and to children under the age of ten?

And I'll call this one "That one guy who will never get laid. Ever."

DITTO.

Because, in the end, life is about making the choice between personal acceptance into society and head-to-toe floral, athletic rompers. Trust me, Oprah said so.

Once a Faux Pas, Always a Personal Staple: Fashion Week Edition

If you don't follow me here and here for the inexcusable reason of having more important things to read such as up-to-the-minute international politics and current affairs, then I truly advise you to continue what you are doing because I am about to discuss the benefits of wearing mullet silhouettes and bathing suit bottoms in public and you are likely to get much, much less cultured.

Just kidding. Maybe. Anyways, For this year's edition of Montreal Fashion Week, my mantra of dress revolved around the bringing back of fashion's Do-Nots and making them fashion Do-it-Anyways'. I was open to anything and everything. Except for nipple tassels. Those are never ok. 

Shall we analyze?

DAY 1:

The Mullet Dress: Mullets, remember those? Oooooh ya. Except this time I wore one on my ass.

The Fanny Pack: A little bit higher up to the hip level but equal in "What the hell are you wearing?" merit, I can  only be thankful that most of the men in attendance were biologically programmed to find me sexually unappealing anyways.

DAY 2:

The Swim Suit Bottom: High-waisted and shorts-like in appearance, I still bought these in the bathing suit section of Value Village. And then I wore them into a cocktail lounge. Can't take me no where.

TRAVIS TADDEO SHOW:

Skunk Hair: Because, if you would so kindly read the caption below, the Montreal Gazette thinks that I have "skunk hair." And ya know, there's nothing more subversive than mimicking your look to that of a foul-smelling and primitive rodent.

For more tom-foolery and counter-productive banter, read my MFW coverage so far chez Miss Sly.

Let's Get Nake...Dressed? Montreal Fashion Week #23

Oy, boys, girls, and undecideds, 'tis the season to be not only jolly, but also fully and hopefully fashionably clothed as per Contractual Term #1 of the Montreal Fashion Week Constitution which clearly states that:

"All attendees must wear the maximum amount of bodily apparel as is humanly possible in order to avoid nudity of any shape or form and to promote the diffusion of sartorial extremism to the lowly masses. This clause makes exception to nipple and genital protrusions witnessed at all runway shows and/or after-parties."

I. don't. make. this. shit. up.

So I deem it not only appropriate (not that anything I've said so far has been appropriate) but also NECESSARY to introduce my soon-to-be-released (note: soon is a very loaded word) new blog, aptly entitled Not a Nudist.

In lieu of this week's prescribed anti-nudity theme and its convenient but probably unintended alignment with my new blog, I promise to attend wearing nothing but...DA DA DAHHHH......CLOTHES! (Novel idea, I know.) But, when I say clothes I mostly mean garments which fall into the category of ridiculousness.

So what will I be wearing? To predict the future, we must look to the past:


Option 1: The Grandma-ma?

Option 2: The Woolly Mammoth?

Option 3: The Angst-Ridden Teen Who Questions His/Her Sexuality?

Option 4: The Hypothermic Winter Clown?

Actually none of the above. Follow to find out. And then check in here to get my post-show recaps. Consider me your election season anti-depressant. Overdosing allowed.