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Nudists are weird. lisafwf@gmail.com

Monday, October 29, 2012

Just dollin' it out like Sandy Claus

As if you haven't been ambushed from behind and then ratatap-tapped on the head repeatedly about the significance of the forthcoming Hurricane Sandy in our collective "things that are pop-culturally significant" cognition, I come bringing yet another piteous play on words with my "Sandy Claus" self-proclamation in lieu of the fact that I would like to take this opportunity to GIVE YOU FREE SHIT. Which is likely the only reason you are reading this at all, isn't it, you greedy, materialistic bastards? Well fine then, I will shut up with my lame attempt at ironic charm and get to the climactic point.

Miss Cocotte just launched her campaign for her newest line, VERSUS, in which I pout and purr and do hopefully sexy things with my hips which were, in fact, mostly just awkward in practice.

POINT BEING: If you care to look up yonder, you shall see a fancy lil' necklace that I will give to you if you succeed at proving yourself worthy.

Critical factors of Worthiness:
1) Comment below with your name & Twitter handle.
2) Follow me and Miss Cocotte on Twitter goddamit.
2) Extra entry if you tweet this: @FoodH20Fashion x @MissCocotte Versus necklace contest offers post-hickey-hiding insurance. Enter http://www.foodwaterfashion.com/2012/10/just-dollin-it-out-like-sandy-claus.html

Get on it peoples. You have until FRIDAY NOVEMBER 2nd at MIDNIGHT, at which point Sandy Claus will swoop down your chimney with gale-force winds and generosity to boot. The fat man in red meets the hormonal elemental phenomenon and somehow, your neck gets better looking in the process. Life is rough, eh?

For the rest of the campaign photos, click heeere.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Negotiating Neon

Excuse me while I stand on my imaginary pedestal of L.E.D. lit self-righteousness, but I hated each and every one of you who wore neon anything this past summer, you obnoxious attention-seekers, you. 

The bright orange nails, those goddamn trendy satchel bags available in any visually offending fluorescent hue available to Pantone-kind, and every blonde who dyed her hair pink because apparently, your genetically-predisposed VIP pass for fun just isn't enough and you had to go rub it in every wanting brunette's face by making your head look like the aftermath of a Hello Kitty-themed Sweet-Sixteen slumber party.

Anyways, my metaphorical period ended, I stopped taking extra-strength Advil (one is NEVER enough) and as the weather starts sucking on a continuous basis, I have rectified my aforementioned hostility with the neon colour palette and welcomed it into my wardrobe to counteract the death-sentence that is a looming Montreal winter.

Black Top: Vintage | White Mesh Pullover: Vintage | Lime Mesh Sweater: Genevieve Savard | Leather Jacket: Only NYC | Blue Shorts: New Balance | Bag: Topshop Vintage | Creeper Boots: Alexander Wang
And now I am content in the self-proclaimed irony of my electric blue hot pants. This winter, your retinas are in for it. Just. You. Wait.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

What to Wear During a Montreal Earthquake

Whether it was caused by Pauline Marois, or the unsettling number of hipsters forming indie bands in this city, the ground literally did move last night in a 4.5 magnitude earthquake, inciting delirious men and women to evacuate their homes and demand to be taken seriously by emergency officials while wearing nothing but terry-cloth bath robes.

Now really, is this any way to dress when approaching your life's greatest battle for survival and/or your imminent death? I think not. And with approximately 151, 600 people dying on average every single day, you had better make sure that you step up your game because St. Peter's a busy dead dude and first impressions count.

SO the next time mother nature gets pissy, this is what you should be protecting and wearing:

What to Wear During a Montreal Earthquake

PROTECT YOUR TORSO from flying debris, including concrete and Fairmount bagels with a puffer vest vis √† vis Pyrenex and Penfield.

PROTECT YOUR BUILT-IN SHOCK ABSORBERS BOOBS when the lights go off and groping takes the place of seeing with easily discernible brights and graphics in Kenzo sweatshirt formation.

PROTECT YOUR GAMS with sweat shorts, or pants, or short-pants from Rick Owens and Adidas when electricity cops out and the cold sets in.

PROTECT YOUR FEET when jumping through fires and over potholes caused by City of Montreal neglect the earthquake. Cheap Monday flatforms will get ya to the other side.

PROTECT YOUR EARS from auditory defamation because when French people swear at high frequencies, glass shatters and eardrums burst. This ear-flap-equipped shearling hat from Kenzo will ensure you won't be needing a hearing aid once the last after-shocks subside.

Safety + Style = Salvation, and Lord knows your track record is at least 56 drunken Instagrams short of a free pass into Heaven, so I would burn those UGG boots RIGHT-ABOUT-NOW. 

Sunday, October 7, 2012

How to Fake it in America: Dressing for the Interview

There are times in life when one must pretend to be not oneself, but someone quite different in the name of the forward movement or metaphorical ladder climbing of one's person. For example, my face tends to communicate to all those within a 15-20 metre physical  radius of me that I am not fit to be a member of the tax-paying community, a  graduate of any level of post-elementary education, or a human being in general. SEEEEEE. 

So how do we render "psychopath" synonymous with "prospective future employee of the month?" 

1) Leather on leather on leather (bitches)
2) All your hair...on top of your head...in a knot...right now
3) A bright top that says "Look, I'm fun and enthusiastic" after which the leather interjects with "But not too fun, because ya know, she's wearing no less than 2 dead cows."
4) Jewellery, preferably that which swings a little to the conservative right, back to the risky left and then settles contentedly in the middle; the sartorial equivalent of a Mitt x Obama make-out sesh.

And alas, you are guaranteed to either get the job or at the very least, a sincerely sympathetic letter of dismissal to add to your pity pile which is probably just roundabout way of corporate America saying to you, "Girl, where were your shoulder pads?"

Well, now you know.

Jacket: Only NY | Top: Vintage | Leather Pants: H&M | Shoes: Timo Weiland for Tsubo | Earrings: Rachel Rachel Roy

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Wedding and Weep

An editorial based on Baz Luhrmann's Romeo & Juliet. I think that a series of rainbows, malevolent jellyfish (but mostly just Nicki Minaj) puked on the Montagues. Teenage angst in technicolour. 

Via BULLET mag.