I hope BEAUTIFUL is never PRACTICAL

Fuck it. I'm moving to Arizona and running around in the desert naked except for this UNBELIEVABLE head-gear handcrafted by Little Doe. Either that, or I need to become sovereign queen of a nation of nomads and wear one of these as my crown. And I do possess a strong likeness to a Game of Thrones Dothrackie and/or to an illegal immigrant..............so, really, the choice is clear.  

Neigum and the Nineties

Note: He also has extremely refined taste in hair-styles. No biased opinions here.

I was born at the tail-end of the 1980s and spent the following decade waddling (and eventually walking) around in a wardrobe chosen by my mother, not for its fashion-factor but for the speed with which she could coax each individual piece onto my writhing body at 6:30 am on a daily basis. So thanks to my mother's impatience coupled with my inability to dress myself autonomously as a youngster, I missed out on the flannel, the jean and jean jacket ensembles, the ripped denim, the Chuck's, the relocation of the sweater to its temporary location around the waist, and the abandonment of a regularly scheduled hair-hygiene regimen, a.k.a. shampoo. I missed 10 years of GRUNGE. Yes, life is hard. But Sid Neigum makes it better.

This Canadian designer's collections can be summarized in part as what you could expect to see from the collective loins of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, and also as an homage to futuristic minimalism with a continuous effort to push the boundaries of design while maintaining a clear-cut vision. Oh, and finished off with some really hilarious eyebrows.

And in the spirit of past decades, let us rewind the tape from the beginning, starting with his current S/S 2012 collection...

Followed by his previous A/W 2011 collection...

 Oh, and your boyfriend can join in on the fun too...

And if you ever find yourself needing desperately to frighten away a bear or a large, notably hairy mammal of some sort through intimidation, well, I think this would do it. Cough.

These shoes are F%#*$D

...AND heinously expensive. Yet, due to their inherent good looks and their unethical price tags, it is alas I who is fuc (insert inappropriate swear word) whether I bite the metaphorical bullet (doing that in the literal sense would be a bad idea on my part seeing as how I have already chipped my tooth once tonight on a beer bottle) and spend more than one month's worth of keeping a roof over my head on the green pair, or I keep my teeth intact and deny my feet the glory of Proenza Schouler and Toga, ensuring a dentist-approved smile, a house to live in and a diagnosis for chronic depression. Click here to see how Opening Ceremony mocks me everyday of my life.

I Covet: Rings for Stabbing People

That was a harsh title, I know. I'm sorry. Truly and deeply. Please know that I do not wish to advocate violence of any sort, nor the regular carrying on one's person of dangerous weapons masked as decorative body ornamentation. But by now you must know that I get all lustful and weak in the knees at the site of any type of jewelry that offends your relatives and worries your psychiatrist. And that I cannot refrain from sharing with you, my dear readers, the dual capacity of a fashion item that is an accessory by day and a lethal weapon by night. And if you cannot yet recognize the value such an item, I can only imagine this to be because you have never seen the movie Red Eye featuring a very scared Rachel McAdams running from a very scary man with grossly over-sized eyeballs and in which Rachel's always faithful stiletto heel saves the day.

You see how well I take care of you? It's time to take our own safety into our own hands ladies, literally. Cover those lady fingers with Pamela Love, Giles and Brother and RBRTH below. Hell, one of these is even called the Shield Ring. Now you can attack and defend.

Cool, so.......go buy these and then I'll see you on death row.

TREND to TRY before you DIE: Miss Mayan

Well, as I mentioned before,, the world is destined for certain doom this year and you have less than 365 days to make your impact on the world of impractical and fabulous dressing before life on earth is destroyed by another planet whose name I have forgotten but whose total planetary destruction is inevitable. But fret not, because it is in desperate times like these that erratic behaviour becomes not only acceptable, but expected! Cue my brand new feature for 2012, which I have dubbed the TREND to TRY before you DIE in which I will display the most exciting and insensible new ways to outfit yourself and provide you with real ways to do it. 

And since all this apocalyptic broohaha was spurred on by the Mayans themselves, why not start there? And as much as I greatly encourage you to take your inspiration from the dudes below, I understand that the loincloth thing might be a tad bit out of your comfort zone. So, Option 2 requires that you take a look at the Missoni Spring 2012 collection in all it's frilly, flowy, stripey wonder and follow suit. 

If you will kindly notice the colours, the layers, the fringe, the mesh and the waterfall-esque draping of the material. This is maximalism at its best.

And for those of us who (although money will be trivial in the last days of life as we know it) cannot fork over our life-savings to fill our closets, here are some other options care of Cynthia Vincent, Pamela Love, and Pendleton, from which you can extract inspiration for your pre-death wardrobe.

Now you see that apocalypses can be fun and fashionable. Woo! We will be ready for you Planet Nibiru!

Stylist in Training

Yes, you read it right my dear friends, tis' not a lie. I swear it to thee that today I tried my hand and fetish for fashion at the ancient and most rarest of the arts: that of styling. And although I employ the use of sarcasm to embellish and glorify my day to day accomplishments, I must say that I am quite proud of today's happenings and the final product. With my bestie and Mr. Peter Nguyen of PN Imaging (the photography aficionado), I threw together a collection of oddly impractical and wholly fashionable outfits to be featured in an unconventionally dark tea party-themed photo shoot modeled by yours truly and the aforementioned bestie. I sacrificed the previously un-frostbitten state of my tooshie for the sake of creative dressing! And although I may require emergency skin grafting, I found the saddest most hilarious part was that most of the clothing that went into these highly unwearable outfits were components of my everyday, often-worn wardrobe. Ughhhhhh.....

Anyways, here are the images that inspired me. Photos coming in a couple of weeks!