"November Survival Tips" from a certified expert

 November is here. It is in the here and the now and the "oh, wow, it's mothafreakin' cold out." It's also Movember, but more about that later. It's 1 a.m. and I don't feel like slowly coaxing my fellow females into mental preparations for the unkempt shrubbery that is soon to be blossoming atop their boyfriend's upper lip. Save that psychological shocker for another day.

Anyways, the point of this post is that you can all stop clogging my news feed with Halloween photos because dressing like a fool is no longer allowed. Time to put on your woollies, hike up your long-underwear (which you can wear as outer-wear (yes, you can)) and tie up those booties. Ok, I regress, dressing like a fool IS highly encouraged allowed.

Here are some of the boots I shall be donning this month, including my new and improved Cougar Pillow Boots, but once again, more about that later.

And if you are really resisting total foot-in-shoe encapsulation, you can always do the socks-with-super-cool-summer-sandals thing, as I did the other day. And you get high fives and hurrahs if said socks are polka-dotted.

 And if you just can't kick the November blues in a pair of leather clonkers, eating food that exhibits positive emotions is always an alternative. This burger had such a positive demeanor that I just couldn't help but to eat him and pass the joy onto my belly. This winter, do something positive for yourself. I'm talking about a KD and ketchup diet. What? It's made with cauliflower now!

How to Wear Fourrure

 This is how:

• ROCK IT.....hard
• ...or SOFT, since fur is generally quite pett-able and if it's not, well then I'm sorry sister but I don't know what poor animal died so that you could turn around and donate it's epidermis to the Salvation Army.
• Oh, and combine furs! AKA one fur is not enough. Fur on fur on fur is the better kind of threesome. 
• Let it be the "Hey, look at me!" piece on your body for the day. That means don't pull a Princess Beatrice on us. Leave the heavy-duty-headgear at home.
• Faux pas. What I mean is don't fake it. Go vintage or recycled instead! For example, pay $50 for a $305 recycled-fur backpack. Ya, that's right, I DID THAT.
• Question why, if you love wearing fur so much, you were not born a muskrat yourself? Fur and philosophy are one and the same you know.
• Keep that shit around for your grandkids, because IF YOU DON'T, they WILL put you in the crappy senior's home. The one where the nurses are all fat and you share a room with the crazy cat lady.
• Relish it, because this is the ONLY good thing about winter people!! No one likes talking snowmen or overweight bearded guys who gain hero-status by enslaving an entire race of small people just because they have pointy ears. 
• Well it's true. 

My Mug in Maclean's Mag

And so it was, that my TEETH graced the pages of Maclean's Magazine, the October 31, 2011 issue. Fack.

But minus my dental, um.........attributes taking all the glory, it's kinda cool, huh?

OKAAAY, goodbye.

Uh Oh, Not Again...

 Now, I KNOW that I bombard you with shoes. Photos of shoes, my take on shoes, shoes I would sever a limb for (except for a leg, DUHHH). But oh Lordy, the things I would do to this shoe. It is lucky that I cannot find it for sale ANYWHERE on the web. Only photos of it on the dainty feet of Miss Fashion Squad and a mere photo with no option to buy on it's exclusive retail online shop Nelly.com. 

Now I am not one for teasing. I am short, as I have previously lamented, and I have grown (notice: play on words) to despise when wonderful things are placed out of my reach, such as cookie jars and now, these shoes!!!! Oh, the injustice.

But just think, with these steel-toed stunners on my feetsies, not only would I be prepared if I was unexpectedly thrown into a construction site and forced to lift heavy objects whose post-drop impact on my toes would cause some distasteful damage, but I would be able to stab the next person who teases me about my height with one swift upward motion of the leg. Talk about an anti-bullying campaign.

So without further adieu, I give you the brand Nowhere which apparently, takes its name very seriously and makes its products available NOWHERE. Well that's not true, check out their other pieces below. They are very available online.

Anyways, this is all just nonsense, since I am lying in bed, sick and as per usual, I have no coin in my pocket. Well I'm not even wearing pants, so pockets are irrelevant. I am poor and pants-less. Sigh.

Stop fighting the feeling. Follow me on Twitter. I say annoying things sometimes.

Ga Ga for Gabbana (Dolce too)

I have a weird rash on my neck that looks like a hickey. But it's not. 

However, I'm sure these girls and.......girls gave each other plenty of real and well-deserved hickeys  throughout the course of this photo-shoot for looking so goddamn sexalicious. 

Dolce & Gabbana F/W 2011 ad campaign.

Back Back Pack it up

 Ok, so here's the dealio. I am a full-hearted supporter of the handbag, of the boho bag, of the satchel; of the BAG. And it naturally follows that I just cannot sacrifice my bag-of-all-trades for my one-and-only backpack that I reserve only for hiking adventures, gym sweaty-sessions and other such events where I have already conceded that I WILL look like and fully assume the role of an ugly person. There are just times in life when we must lower ourselves to a level of appearance that is similar to someone whose existence, in light of Darwin's natural selection theory, remains a big fat and unfortunate mystère.

But, seriously, lately I have been feeling the urge to put on my ugly. Carrying a laptop, outlandishly heavy textbooks, food, a ziploc bag full of miscellaneous medication (still don't remember what those red pills are...) and other necessities, I suspect that my shoulder will soon droop down far enough that it will simply become an extension of my neck.

So I'm on the prooooooowwwwl. For a backpack that will offer all the comfort and amenities I would expect out of a bag, and the added bonus of not having to stock up now on clothing with built-in, XL shoulder pads for the future.

Like the fanny pack, backpacks are coming back HARD. I want every single one one of these humpbacks here.

The Row (co. MK & Ashley Olsen) This one sold out. At $35, 000 each. Fuck tuition.

Gucci

Hilla Toledano

Coco

Hoi Bo and Mjölk

Grafea

If anyone knows of any other backpacks that would satisfy my inkling for fine back-wear, hit me up!
My Twitta
Follow that shit.

Decently Recent

What follows is a series of photos which will give u a little bit of insight into my life in the past few weeks. There was Montreal Fashion Week, where I saw some designs that were the bomb-diggity (excuse my French and/or horrendous manipulation of already established grammatical rules) and where my $200 high-heels got stolen by a thieving fashionista (yes, they are out there and they are worse than over-zealous puppy dogs with a shoe fetish). Then there was public defacing (not done by me but surely enjoyed by me), some crafty cheating methods, some food-noshing, some wine gurgling, a REALLY fat cat, the Jean-Paul Gaultier exhibit at the MMFA and a little bit of lighting food on fire in times of celebration. 

I can only hope there are more indecent spectacles and bizarre happenings to come for me in Montréal. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all the Canadian kids.