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Nudists are weird. lisafwf@gmail.com

Monday, June 4, 2012


We like to go to concerts and dance like assholes and follow this up with a forced-upon post-show Q & A session with the band where we ask far too numerous questions and they provide far too few answers until that unavoidable tipping point where either one of the following scenarios occur:
  1. Our over-eagerness is correctly translated as a pathetic appeal for attention...resulting in them leaving the conversation. OR...
  2. Our over-eagerness is mistakenly translated as an enthusiastic desire to sleep with the band until they realize that we in fact do not want to sleep with the band...resulting in them leaving the conversation.

SO, how to be an apprenticing but ultimately failing Groupie, you ask? In terms of aesthetics, it helps if you decided to dye your hair with brightly coloured chalk, and by chalk I mean literally chalk. Straight off the side-walk legitimacy. People start to take you REALLY seriously after that.
What else? What else? Well...
  1. Leather...or pleather for those of you (i.e. ME) who cannot afford nice things.
  2. A winter toque in the summer because you are just THAT cool and subversive.
  3. An exotic accessory such as the peacock necklace featured here, worn with the intention of exhibiting some semblance of cultural worldliness and intellect regardless of whether or not you actually possess said qualities.
Other options include lesbian hair cuts and/or Kate-Hudson-esque mops √† la Almost Famous, bowler hats, anything fringe, and aggressive jewellery pieces that could double as a defence mechanisms should a flash mosh pit break out around you. It's all about preparation. Oh, and a pack of band-aids, if not for their pop-cultural reference factor or metaphorical value, than for their practical usefulness in lieu of such a mosh pit. Nobody wants you bleeding all over them on top of leaving a trail of chalk on every surface that you come into contact with.

So, if you enjoyed this step-by-step on how to NOT be good at what you do, follow me here for more thrilling tales of embarrassment and inadequacy this summer, because school is (finally) out and I have far too much free time to fill with poorly-made decisions and unintended consequences for your entertainment value.

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