Food Water Fashion - The Obituary

 As some of you may have noticed (amend: may NOT have noticed), I have been a blogosphere absentee for the past few weeks as a symptomatic reaction to the surplus in seasonal academic examination scheduling and its associated personal increase in "alcohol-as-a-coping-mechanism" activity as well as my accumulating distaste for this entire blog in general. To be brief, this blog is coming to an end. Yes, my lovely followers and friends, Food Water Fashion shall be no more.

This decision came after a bout of swelling personal frustration coupled with more than one trip to the school bathroom featuring the Dawson Leery Ugly Cry and finally, a conscious awareness of my dissatisfaction with the amateur nature of this blog. Since beginning FWF approximately two years ago as a fun outlet for me to regurgitate my inner innapropriateness and for visually cataloguing my love for fashion and art, my motivation for blogging has evolved from casual frivolity to necessity. I cannot imagine no longer blogging. If the measure of one's passion can be determined by what the mind turns to when it wanders, then blogging (as well as men with enough tattoos to offend my father) is mine.Which is another reason why the acceptance of this blog's impending death has been dragged out like a depressing relationship.

But like a vacuously lonely recent dump-ee, breakups necessitate rebounds and this next one is going to be GODDAMN SEXY. It will also stick around longer than the duration of an awkward morning-after breakfast.

COMING SOON...ish to a computer screen near you, my next blog:

NOT A NUDIST

Trust me guys, this one's gonna be good.

If you do not value your free time, continue to follow my Facebook and Twitter for insolent banter and for announcements regarding the upcoming blog's launch in the coming weeks.

Until our next viral interaction, stay classy…………….. individually applicable urban centres….

Ok, BYE.

-Lisa

F+W+F = The Mathematics of Style

Edition #1: Irritable Bowel Synd-wich+Coffee All Day Er' Day+La Fourrure 

Introducing a weekly roster of the FOOD, the WATER and the FASHION whose presence did grace my life in the past 7 days. User-friendly and broken down into simple math to humour the left side of your brain into thinking that it still has value post grade 12 calculus failure.

This week's equation features free Tim Horton's sandwiches, coffee stains and lipstick memoirs, and between 40 to 50 muskrats reincarnated for collar-poppin' purposes.

Fur Coat - Vintage | T-Shirt - TRAVIS TADDEO | Shorts - Value Village | Boots  - Deena & Ozzy 

HYPE em' up style

I grant you permission.

Just dollin' it out like Sandy Claus

As if you haven't been ambushed from behind and then ratatap-tapped on the head repeatedly about the significance of the forthcoming Hurricane Sandy in our collective "things that are pop-culturally significant" cognition, I come bringing yet another piteous play on words with my "Sandy Claus" self-proclamation in lieu of the fact that I would like to take this opportunity to GIVE YOU FREE SHIT. Which is likely the only reason you are reading this at all, isn't it, you greedy, materialistic bastards? Well fine then, I will shut up with my lame attempt at ironic charm and get to the climactic point.

Miss Cocotte just launched her campaign for her newest line, VERSUS, in which I pout and purr and do hopefully sexy things with my hips which were, in fact, mostly just awkward in practice.

POINT BEING: If you care to look up yonder, you shall see a fancy lil' necklace that I will give to you if you succeed at proving yourself worthy.

Critical factors of Worthiness:
1) Comment below with your name & Twitter handle.
2) Follow me and Miss Cocotte on Twitter goddamit.
2) Extra entry if you tweet this: @FoodH20Fashion x @MissCocotte Versus necklace contest offers post-hickey-hiding insurance. Enter http://www.foodwaterfashion.com/2012/10/just-dollin-it-out-like-sandy-claus.html

Get on it peoples. You have until FRIDAY NOVEMBER 2nd at MIDNIGHT, at which point Sandy Claus will swoop down your chimney with gale-force winds and generosity to boot. The fat man in red meets the hormonal elemental phenomenon and somehow, your neck gets better looking in the process. Life is rough, eh?

For the rest of the campaign photos, click heeere.

I Only Read Picture Books

Especially this one. FWF comin' at ya from all sides of the intranet now. Ain't that just PPPPPeachy?

HYPE THAT SHIT

The Teen-AGE: Editorial

Photos by Jason Mousseau
Styling by me

What to Wear During a Montreal Earthquake

Whether it was caused by Pauline Marois, or the unsettling number of hipsters forming indie bands in this city, the ground literally did move last night in a 4.5 magnitude earthquake, inciting delirious men and women to evacuate their homes and demand to be taken seriously by emergency officials while wearing nothing but terry-cloth bath robes.

Now really, is this any way to dress when approaching your life's greatest battle for survival and/or your imminent death? I think not. And with approximately 151, 600 people dying on average every single day, you had better make sure that you step up your game because St. Peter's a busy dead dude and first impressions count.

SO the next time mother nature gets pissy, this is what you should be protecting and wearing:

PROTECT YOUR TORSO from flying debris, including concrete and Fairmount bagels with a puffer vest vis à vis Pyrenex and Penfield.

PROTECT YOUR BUILT-IN SHOCK ABSORBERS BOOBS when the lights go off and groping takes the place of seeing with easily discernible brights and graphics in Kenzo sweatshirt formation.

PROTECT YOUR GAMS with sweat shorts, or pants, or short-pants from Rick Owens and Adidas when electricity cops out and the cold sets in.

PROTECT YOUR FEET when jumping through fires and over potholes caused by City of Montreal neglect the earthquake. Cheap Monday flatforms will get ya to the other side.

PROTECT YOUR EARS from auditory defamation because when French people swear at high frequencies, glass shatters and eardrums burst. This ear-flap-equipped shearling hat from Kenzo will ensure you won't be needing a hearing aid once the last after-shocks subside.

Safety + Style = Salvation, and Lord knows your track record is at least 56 drunken Instagrams short of a free pass into Heaven, so I would burn those UGG boots RIGHT-ABOUT-NOW. 

When Boy Meets Girl

The preceding topic of conversation (see title) shall proceed to take place in the figurative, albeit, fashionable sense and not in the literal sense, not only due to the fact that this here is a fashion blog but mostly due to my own personal experience in which the latter never tends to go very well for me (possibly due to the former having become my everyday mantra of dress) and is therefore unworthy of discussion.

Where does that leave us?

Oh right. So, I've said it before and I'll continue to repeat myself in lieu of a general lack of writing talent writers block, I SOMETIMES LIKE TO DRESS LIKE A BOY.

Lately though, I've acquired a taste for dressing like a girl. (I know, it's weird and uncomfortable.) So then I thought one of those ground-breaking thoughts where I unite these two poles of opposition and pop out a fashion baby a.k.a. freshly born outfit and a new blog feature. It has been a productive day (or should I say reproductive?).

In this installment, Boy (baseball cap, weird Warhol sunglasses, leather backpack) meets Girl (dress, sandal clogs, jewellery) and together they look all cute and shit. Because if the literal version of this scenario can only be described as implausible at best, then the sartorial version shall be a god damn harlequin romance novella. Because I said so.

So keep in touch for more romantic romps in which Harry and Sally get to meet each other over and over and over and over... and I continue to look like a douchebag (reference: final image).

Things that are Better in the Back: A Theme Board

Besides the presupposed and obvious sexual reference, there are several things in this big ol' world of ours which do well located in the often understated and too often overlooked back. Oh yes, believe it people. Here I have compiled a visual board of images which exemplify my theory in practice. It is, without a doubt, better in the back.

Exhibit A: Neil Barrett dress via SSENSE
This concoction gives this girl a human tail or, to be more accurate, an extensively long butt flap whose practical use is non-existent but whose party-factor is way up. Imagine this one on a windy day. Fly that butt flag girl, fly it.

Exhibit B: The Back of John Stamos' head. 
Pure Sex.

Exhibit C: My Tail Top from ZARA
Although I try to avoid shopping at fast fashion outlets as much as possible, this one wrangled me in  the second I saw its fortuitous side appendage, and though not entirely located at the back as is required for the topic at hand, I will most likely be wearing this at the launch party for the following and final exhibit, making it therefore, thematically appropriate.

Exhibit That Trumps All Previous Exhibits: The Backroom Montreal Grand Opening

Get there, be there. The best looking back in town. 

Trend to Try Before You Die: Exams Edition

Remember how I said that my outfit inspiration has, as of late, been borrowing heavily from menswear, implying a finished project in which my adult female body is transformed into that of a prepubescent teenage boy? NO? Enlightenment: right this way.

Well, as of even later, this testosterone-infused style preference has expanded itself to consist largely of XL tunics, harem pants, sneakers and loafers; a look that still traces its origins back to the average stylish male's closet, HOWEVER, it more-so finds its roots in my pyjama drawer. And appropriately so in this, the season for exams and their lounge-wear counterparts. Ah yes, it is time again to revisit that joyous period of the year when college campuses are suddenly flooded with an overwhelming population of markedly ugly people whose commitment to personal hygiene becomes questionable at best and whose assumed possession of an ass is rendered suspect following its disappearing act within the vast spaciousness of the notoriously popular sweatpant? 

And now comes that much anticipated and long awaited part of the post where I get to the point. For this instalment of Trend to Try Before You Die, I have theorized that Exam stress can be countered by strategic exam dress. How? Wear your pyjamas...kind of. I propose that you channel a combination of equal parts pyjama and sleeping bag silhouette. Simply put, as long as it appears as though you might be heading to a very stylish slumber party, both tops and bottoms appear 2 sizes too large, your shoes are of the slipper variety, and your outfit could reasonably be mistook for a sleeping bag, you get high fives and straight A's from me. 

So put away your text books and study this: 

Emma Cook floral tunic, £310

Evil Twin tunic, $70

Rick Owens harem pants, $312

Alexander McQueen suede slipper, $478

Snake skin shoes, $325

And look-ie here, even our Canadian comrades are taking the pyjama trend to a literal level.

Travis Taddeo

You may however wish to withhold on the foot clunkers and bangle sleeve. Never a good library look. 

Complex Geometries

So if you will be going into library hibernation this weekend, remember that life is short and that a couple weeks spent wishing it was even shorter does not grant you an automatic ugly card and your boyfriend's old sweatpants are not clothes, they are fireplace kindling. Try the trend and for the love of god, take that bun down from the top of your forehead.

Blogging from The Backroom

Today I snuck into a backroom and, like I regretfully confessed earlier, no scandalous sexual encounters were had there (I blame this on laundry day being synonymous with ugly underwear day). But, although I didn't find any racy/lacy number to replace the aforementioned granny panties, I did find what is the beginning of a very solid collection of unique vintage, re-worked and student designer fashion finds which will be available to the fashion-hungry style setters of Montreal when The Backroom, our city's newest fashion retail destination for both ladies and gents, opens next Friday May 4th at 1445 Rue Lambert-Closse following an exclusive launch party where the beats will be poppin', the booze will be guzzlin', and I, in my bubbly-buzzed stupor may make uninformed purchasing decisions. (I already have my eye on a grey mesh racer-back tank top and if anyone swipes it off of me, I cannot promise non-violent repercussions and/or concussions. (Think Monica in Friend's wedding dress episode circa season 7)).

Run by three College Lasalle students, Marie, Rachel and Karen, who chose not to wait until the typical after graduation "now I better get my shit together" career-launching point to open up their first retail store, The Backroom is retail done refreshingly: locally-owned, locally-shopped, and locally-designed or sourced. And in a lapse of good judgement on their part, The Backroom's owners have nominated me as their official blogger in covering the store's launch party and grand opening. 

 Follow me here, here and here for more sneak-peak posts from The Backroom next week and for a visual collage of who wore what at the launch party. And I promise to wear nicer knickers this time. And I promise never to say "knickers" again. Promise.